Throughout life we find ourselves in situations where we help people in need, whether it’s supporting a friend through grief or opening a door for a stranger. We may see these actions as part of our daily routine, but a lot of people overlook the fact that small actions have the potential to create life-changing moments that brightens someone’s world. A smile for an exhausted mother, words of encouragement for the anxious student, an offer to help the elderly neighbor struggling with groceries. Such small gestures have the potential to make much more impact in the people around us.

The concept of sonder connects directly to this idea. Sonder means to understand that each person we encounter has a life filled with their own unique experiences and emotions. Where we might be the protagonist of our life, we are background characters in someone else’s. Thinking of our lives as orbits helps put it into perspective: The people closest to us are pulled closer to our center while those who we don’t know are on the outer edges. 

In order to experience sonder in a life-altering way, we must first learn empathy. Empathy should be described more than just understanding the feelings of others—it is the ability to deeply connect with another person, to place ourselves in their shoes, and to see the world through their eyes. Only through it can we begin to recognize that every individual we encounter is living a life full of different experiences just as great as our own. Jill Suttie from Greater Good Magazine says “Once empathy is activated, compassionate action is the most logical response.” This deeper understanding unlocks the ability for us not just to notice the lives of others, but to truly appreciate them, to make meaningful connections and make a more compassionate world.

Sharing stories of kindness can also unlock compassion in ourselves and deepen our understanding of sonder. Most of the time, when we hear about the ways simple acts of kindness transform lives, it not only inspires us to act with more empathy but also reminds us of the shared humanity we all experience. I think by finding ways to share these stories, we create a ripple, encouraging others to step into someone else’s shoes and understand their unique perspectives. By doing this, we make empathy a default, not the exception.

It’s important to recognize that the opposite of empathy can change our connections with others. Close-mindedness limits our ability to understand different perspectives and often leads to judgment or indifference. Ray Dalio tells us that, “Once you can sort out open-minded from closed-minded people, you’ll find that you want to surround yourself with open-minded ones.” It closes off opportunities for growth, preventing us from fully appreciating the diversity of experiences that shape the people around us. To avoid this, we must actively choose openness, seek to listen more than we speak, and challenge our assumptions. By actively engaging with people and ideas that differ from our own, we soon will construct a mindset that values understanding over judgment. To choose kindness wherever we go, to be the light in someone’s day and allow empathy to guide our interactions with others.