Perfectionism is not about wanting straight A’s or doing your best it is a deeper way of thinking and feeling. According to psychologists, the darker side of perfectionism stems from the fear of not being good enough. It is as if the brain continuously whispers that you must be perfect to deserve love, respect, or success. This mindset can stem from how you were brought up, personality, or even society’s expectations, but in the long run, it develops into something that dictates how you think about yourself and the world surrounding you.

Perfectionists often grow up believing their self-worth is in their performance. For instance, maybe they were the only ones who received praise upon receiving excellent grades or winning awards. Over time, their brain learns to equate success with approval and mistakes with failure or disappointment. This creates a psychological loop called conditional self-worth-meaning you only feel good about yourself when you meet impossible standards. When you don’t, you feel ashamed or useless.

Perfectionism is also associated with something called cognitive distortions, which are false ways of thinking. One common one is “all-or-nothing thinking.” That’s when you see everything as either perfect or a total failure-no in-between. For example, getting a 95 on a test might still feel like a failure because it’s not 100. Another distortion is catastrophizing, which means imagining the worst possible outcome from even the smallest mistake. These ways of thinking make perfectionists anxious and afraid to take risks.

Deep down, perfectionism is driven by fear: the fear of judgment, rejection, or losing control. The perfectionist brain is convinced that if everything is perfect, then nothing bad can happen. But ironically, this brings on more stress. The body stays in a constant state of tension, releasing stress hormones like cortisol, which, over time, can lead to burnout, sleep problems, and even physical illness.

Emotionally, perfectionists battle shame. They not only think they have made a mistake, but they think they are a mistake. This deep shame can bring on depression, loneliness, and self-hate. Instead of pride in what they have done, perfectionists get mired in the feeling that it’s never enough. What the psychology of perfectionism ultimately shows, however, is that it isn’t about high standards but about one thing: fear and insecurity. True growth doesn’t come out of flawlessness; it comes from self-acceptance, learning from mistakes, and coming to terms with the fact that being imperfect is quintessentially human.