My family, friends, and past relationships have hurt me. Sometimes, I look away and never look back. But, these past few years I have learned that now if I love a person so much, I go back to them again and again. First, second, third, fourth, fifth chances. The cycle continues. As I have gone back, I wonder why do I. If a person has made me hurt so much to where I can’t get out of bed, why do I easily forgive them?

Relationships in all aspects can be two-faced. There is a blending of joy, love, and happiness while there can also be pain and heartbreak. The emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows create a sense of passion that can be hard to let go of, despite the negative impacts they have on our well-being. The desire of connection you want with this person can simply block out how hurt we can get. It’s a mental war between what you want and what is truly best for you.

From what I have learned, there are many reasons why we repeat this cycle. But, one of the main reasons it continues is because of the attachment theory. If someone has experienced inconsistency with love or care in their past, it can lead to attachments to familiar people or patterns. The emotional highs and lows can create a feeling of dependency, where the pain can be set aside because of the feelings of love and comfort. This can cause us to run back to our safe person, even when they should not be.

Another reason we tend to go back to the people that hurt us is because of emotional manipulation. Some people may act in ways to make others feel guilty and sympathetic, making it hard for them to break away from the cycle. They can use apologies, gaslighting, mind games, or compliments to take control. This manipulation can cause you to doubt yourself and feel like you aren’t worthy. It enables you back into the same spot you were, making it harder and harder every time.

My last and final reason why we cannot break a cycle is because of trauma bonding. Trauma bonding causes this emotional connection between the two people, making it feel addicting. In the beginning, this person makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world. You are special to them, cared for, and understood. The intensive interest this person has on you makes you imagine a version of them that is not real. Over time, you are not valued anymore and that person can be hurtful in many ways. You focus all of your time to try and change them, but they aren’t changing. You are always drawn back because of this, and it can cause a lot of self-love and confidence issues.

In conclusion, It is a complicated situation based on psychological, emotional, and social motives that explains why we go back to those who hurt us. The awareness of such movements gives us insight into recognizing unhealthy patterns in our relationships, which, in turn, helps to make better choices toward healthier connections.

Written by

anna mckinney

I am a student from GA. I like cheer, my friends, shopping, and social media