People were created to live in community with other people.

While fellowship has been a common theme throughout history, it has evolved along with our society.

Personally, when I want to hang out with someone, my go-to is anything that involves food. Sometimes my mom will prepare us a home-cooked meal, or we’ll cook for ourselves, or we’ll grab Chipotle, or, if we’re feeling really fancy, we might go to a sit-down restaurant.

All these places were constructed to feed people and bring them together. And I go to each of them with the same people. I could have the exact meal with the exact same person, just in a different building, and yet I wonder, would the change in environment foster different interactions? Different conversations? Even different sides of one’s personality?

My favorite place to go with friends is probably Chipotle. It’s fairly affordable, has quick service, tastes good, and is pretty healthy.

The atmosphere is nice: you don’t have to scream at the top of your lungs to hear the person beside you, but it’s lively enough not to feel awkward. You also have the option for indoor or outdoor seating (vital in erratic Georgia weather), and it’s clean.

It has a minimalistic and industrial style, with a primarily white/grey color scheme and lack of decor, which I feel gives it a “we’re premium and efficient, but still casual” type vibe.

The other place my friends and I gather most often is home. Either my mom will cook a meal or my friends and I will attempt to make something.

As you might guess, one results in a better meal, but the other is always a lot of fun.

When I think home I think cozy. Safe. Inviting. Of course, it would be naive to imagine all houses are like this, but for many, this proves true.

I believe a large part of this is the décor and layout. The furniture, decorations, and colors shape the ambience of an environment. Where a Chipotle would have shiny silver tables and stools for seats, a home would have one personal table and comfortable chairs—at least more comfortable than restaurant chairs.

Where Chipotle has a menu and promotions, a home has pictures and paintings. Where Chipotle has a window looking out into a parking lot, a home has a window looking out on a neighborhood or backyard. And where Chipotle has a food assembly counter, a home has a kitchen.

Some of these things have the same purpose but have different impacts, while some are the same thing with totally different purposes. Each of them serves their purpose in their environment. And, in the end, the purpose comes down to the effect it’s meant to have on the people it’s accommodating.

Think, even the food assembly counter is meant to have an effect on customers: seeing it made before them projects a picture to the customers that the food is fresh and might help them decide what they want.

So, if everything within an environment is designed to affect a person in a certain way, then where you gather must influence the way you interact with others.

But what is that effect?

When I think about the characteristics of Chipotle—efficient, convenient, minimalistic—compared to a home—cozy, intimate, comfortable—I think it all comes down to the way it makes you feel. In Chipotle, you have your I’m-in-public-and-I-must-fit-in mask on.

Home is one of the places that mask can come down.

Even if you feel like you show your true, authentic self all the time, you’re still probably putting on some kind of mask, knowingly or unknowingly.

If we always wear a mask when interacting with people, we’ll never fully allow people to get to know us. I’ve found that it is so important to have relationships where I don’t have to “perform”. Where I can say what I really think, and have deep conversations without fear of judgment.

And typically these relationships aren’t built in Chipotle. They’re built in safe spaces, in intimate spaces, where you aren’t distracted by the clanging of workers making burritos, or worrying that the people at the table next to you are overhearing your conversation.

This is the part that I’m tempted to claim we should always gather in homes. But, I know it’s not that simple. Meeting in homes isn’t always plausible, especially for young people. And sometimes your “safe” place might not be a home. For me, being outside, whether on a walk or playing a game, is another place I feel like I can really be myself and bond with a friend.

The good news is, it’s not only about meeting specifically in homes: it’s about purposefully gathering in a place that enables you to build true and lasting relationships—a place where you and your friends feel comfortable. It’s about being intentional and sacrificing for those you care about. It’s about not taking the convenient route just because it’s easier.

Maybe for you that means finding a place to sit outside with a friend, in an environment that feels peaceful and open, instead of crowded and loud.

Maybe that means sacrificing ten minutes to find a cozy coffee shop to have a meaningful conversation with a friend.

Maybe it means going to play pickleball with someone and simply having fun with each other.

Or maybe for you it does mean going to Chipotle, but intentionally taking off your mask and making sure your friend also feels comfortable in that environment.

Whatever it means to you, one thing is clear: your environment does have an effect on how you interact with others, so it’s important to intentionally put yourself in situations where you can be yourself and enable relationships to develop.